Sex & Sox

My passions: Sex and the Boston Red Sox!

Monday, March 14, 2005

When Good Redheads Go Bad

As anyone who has browsed Internet porn knows, there's some great stuff out there. There's also some mind-bogglingly bad stuff. I'm not even talking about production value here -- God knows I love some amateur pictures -- but things that, for one reason or another, just aren't as sexy as they're intended to be (at least to this little girl & my assistant judge).

So, when picking out future Redheads of the Week recently, I stumbled upon a plethora of wretched pictures. Here, then, are half a dozen examples of what horror can result When Good Redheads Go Bad (the titles will lead you to their gallery and, as always, they can be clicked to be viewed larger):

Number One:

This was the most inoffensive of the galleries. I hate when I find pictures like this -- ones with a fantastic redhead, that just aren't good enough. Because... look at that couch. Fucking UGLY! It was very disappointing to me that she couldn't be on a better background. That couch is just killer. Beautiful woman, eyesore of a background.

Number Two:

What. The. Fuck.

Hello, Batgirl? Yeah, I found the bitch that stole your mask. She's a flexible little one, too.

Seriously, there's a lot of pictures in this vein lately that I've been stumbling across: these weird frickin masks. Very often there's beads, dildos, and other women involved, but I've never even bothered to get past the fact that they're wearing masks.

Number Three:

One: Your outfit sucks.

Two: Your expression sucks.

Three: Your tits look like lopsided balloons.

Four: You are fucking hanging yourself and masturbating. I'm sorry, but I find absolutely nothing even remotely erotic about asphyxiation. I know some people do, but I don't, and this is my Redhead of the Week. My past pretty much explains that little, dare I say, hang-up.

Number Four:

Okay, the expression's cute. The colours are even cute. But you know what isn't cute?

A naked woman who reminds me of being 14 years old and watching "I Love Lucy" with my little sister. I just can't find arousal in that. Sorry.

Number Five:

You. Look. Like. A. Dude.


Number Six:

One: Your outfit still sucks.

Two: Your expression still sucks.

Three: Your tits still look like lopsided balloons, though slightly deflated.

Four: ... Really, you're holding a gun. IN YOUR MOUTH. What the fuck is it with that site and women who are on the brink of suicide being sex objects? Seriously...

Now that that's all said and done... a normal and wonderful redhead is coming to you shortly after midnight Eastern!