Sex & Sox

My passions: Sex and the Boston Red Sox!

Thursday, February 03, 2005

Me / Naughty

Back when I first got into this whole 'personal webpage' thing, it was a good friend of mine who lent me space on her domain. She helped me out with rudimentary HTML code (mostly by pointing me towards the resources that she'd used to teach herself), and was always there when I had an ignorant question (usually about tables; I hated them damned things).

We were quite close, and she's the one I went with to get my belly button piercing. Nightly talks about girly stuff led to one overwhelming impression: she built her concept of 'self' around what her boyfriend thought of her (not that I was much better at the time). He lived 800 miles away, and she got liberal use out of her webcam, talking to him online.

I didn't like him, but whatever, she didn't like mine, so we just avoided talking about that entire subject. Until... he dumped her. Because, he said, he loved her too much. And then, as she sat online crying to me about this and writing depressed poetry, he'd go out, fuck other girls, come back, tell her about it, and insist that he felt nothing for them. A few weeks went by, and they got back together.

Repeat the process, ad nauseum, for the next two years. Every six months, even after she moved out to live with him, he'd decide he loved her too much, send her away, sleep with someone else, and call her back when he was done.

We stopped talking after that -- I'd gotten my head out of my ass and expected her to, as well. But you can't help people that won't help themselves (how true that is), so the friendship crumbled.

Still, I kept my portion of the website and she kept hers, and one day I went to check hers out. At the bottom of her main page was a tiny link that read, "I love him, always!" When clicked, there was a prompt for a username and password.

Of course, this piqued my curiousity. I went digging around through FTP in her files, and found the folder the link lead to: "me"... subfolder, "naughty".

And then, I spent half an hour browsing through intimate photos she'd taken of herself for her boyfriend. I shared them with the boyfriend. I sent the majority of them to a mutual friend. I even sent one to a fellow I'd met at school, just because I thought it'd be amusing. I never talked to her about it, and, as far I know, she never knew.

This only comes up because today I was rummaging through some old versions of my personal website (that is, the website I shared with her until she IMed me abruptly one day and told me to delete my stuff) and found these folders. I looked through the pictures again, got a little bit of a laugh out of it, and then shook my head, sad at the friendship I'd lost for the sake of some immature asshole of a boy.

I've often wondered if I should feel guilty about this... or how I'd feel if someone did the same thing to me that I did to her. I guess that's what happens when you put a link to stuff like that on the front page of your website. People are curious, and some of us are voyeuristic.

Though, that said, I have to admit the pictures weren't very sexy... at all. Some of them were downright icky.

And I still don't feel any guilt.