Sex & Sox

My passions: Sex and the Boston Red Sox!

Friday, December 03, 2004

Fuck the Cranky Outta Me

Stepping away from baseball and sex (don't worry, we'll return) for a moment, it has been a stressful few days for me. I'm trying to get my residency up here in Canada, and it's amazing all the bullshit that the two governments make you go through. There's so much paperwork, and the requirements to prove that my relationship is 'valid' are obnoxious, and I have to get a physical, get fingerprinted, have about a trillion pictures taken, and collect all sorts of little tidbits. I've been so busy screwing around with getting all those things together (we planned to submit everything to the lawyer today) and travelling all over the place to do so, then running into so many unexpected bumps (my Michigan driver's license is expired [I didn't get a Connecticut one when I moved back there], the doctor's office needed my lawyer to fax some paperwork and couldn't accept it from me, nevermind that the office was impossible to find and we ended up paying $2.25 to drive in and out of some parking lot that wasn't it) that I've been plumb tuckered out. And cranky.

When I'm in that kinda mood, one of the things my boyfriend says to make me smile is, "Want me to fuck the cranky outta you?" This comes from a few months back when I was just totally irked about everything, horny as fuck, but had a permanent scowl on my face that I'm almost positive is the most unattractive face ever. I walked over to where he was sitting on the couch, put my hands on my hips, kicked his foot, and demanded, "Come and fuck the cranky outta me."

Surprisingly (that is, looking back at it), this command worked, and not too much later I was wearing a goofy post-orgasmic smile, a sheen of sweat on my skin, and the taste of him on my lips. And I fell asleep. I either sleep or get the munchies after sex.

I've been thinking about sex these past few days (wow, big surprise there), but especially since last night. My boyfriend came home from work, grinned at me, and said, "So, I have a kinda funny story."

He got his friend a job at the place he works, and though their shifts aren't quite the same they overlap by a few hours. My boyfriend was getting ready to leave when his friend looked over at him carrying out his 'lunch bag' and asked, "Hey, can I have your fork?"

Only, my boyfriend didn't hear this. He heard, "Hey, can I have your whore?"

"Can you what?"

"Can I have your whore?"

"Um... just say that for me one more time. Because I really don't think you said what I thought you said."

"Can... I... Have... Your... Fork... you know, in your bag."

He started laughing and replied, "Yeah, that's definitely not what I thought I heard you say. Sure, you can have my fork."

"What did you think I said?"

"I thought you asked if you could have my whore."

"Oh!" His friend snickered, "Nah, but I know what you'd say to that."

What he'd say, of course, is yes. My boyfriend has been in a threesome before; I have not (not unless you count the night before my SATs where I got piss drunk and let two guys kiss and lick and bite at me, but seeing as that didn't go on for very long as all of their friends were not only cheering us on, but spraying beer at us [I later scored a 1370 on them]). I am very, very jealous that I have not had that experience. This friend and his wife are people that my boyfriend has discussed the possibility of group sex with; while they seemed welcoming to it, and his wife and I have certainly kissed and snuggled a bit, nothing has come of it.

I love this couple anyhow, because they're the only other "perfect" couple I know. You can tell, when they look at each other, that they are beyond the phase of being in love... they're one mind, one soul, in two bodies. They're that connected. They've been together forever -- in a few months, they'll have spent more of their lives being a couple than being single. Not only that, but they're both intelligent, open-minded people with a lot of similar interests to my boyfriend and I. All that combines to make them very attractive to me, despite the fact that the man's build and the shape of the woman's face were not initially so (they're both in excellent shape and physically pleasing; it's just that the man's build reminds me of my ex [minus quite a bit of weight] and the shape of the woman's face is a bit more angular than I'm usually drawn to).

I've been living up here for almost a year now, and we get together with them for dinner or whatnot at least once a month. They're going to be moving across the country next summer, and I'm curious as to whether this thing between us is ever going to happen. When we go to their house and drink, they always invite my boyfriend and I to stay in the spare bedroom if he's feeling too drunk to drive home. It's not that there's pressure in the situation -- there certainly isn't -- and I consider myself lucky to be friends with them, but I'm definitely intrigued by the idea of bringing a sexual aspect into it.