Sex & Sox

My passions: Sex and the Boston Red Sox!

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Sure, I'll be a part of RSN....

So, by now, we've all heard about these "ID cards" that the Red Sox front office is putting out. We've all had time to hem and haw and debate their merits amongst ourselves, and there have been some good questions (where is the money going?), but I ask you this: What else could the Red Sox have offered as an 'official inauguration' to the Nation (however offensive that concept may be to some people).

My ideas:
1) Red Sox boxers (for men) and boy-cut shorts (for women). The front panel, near the cute little penis flap, would read: "C'mere, Buelly!" (or whatever player you like) and the back, "Lovingly, Fan #12345" (or whatever your number is).
2) A promise that, at four PM on the third Monday of the sixth month after the five-year anniversary of Game 4 of this season's World Series, barring precipitation and eagles in the vicinity, all members of the roster who were active at that time will re-enact the Battle of Ilipa, and that all female card-carrying members of the Nation would get to oil them up before and after the event, with a raffle for the chance to act as a masseuse. Mmm-hmmm.
3) Very likely to be very pricey, a private visit from a Red Sox player / wife-fiancee-girlfriend to provide oral confirmation of your membership.

.... Excuse me while I go find my big red and little blue friends.